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Posting: the Shotgun Method by GMFTatsujin (Ask and ye shall receive) on Dec 17, 2002 11:58:28 AM

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"Hey, I've got something to bitch about! I wanna play too! And here's five other things I'd like to post on, while I'm at it! Have I mentioned I'm a cannibal? Fuck you! Har har har. I like babies." Attention, young grasshoppers. Although your enthusiasm is admirable, you seek to fly with the eagles at a time when you are still crawling with the worms.   I suppose it's a sign of success that GFD has cracked the triple digits and has drawn in folks from all walks of life. Around the country, around the globe, possibly ACROSS THE COSMOS, the universal message of rage and wrath is drawn to into the heart of the GFD maelstrom. Fly, monkeys, FLY! This is Right. This is Good. This is How Things Should Be. But Jeebus, people -- before you disgorge the five things that piss you off at the top of your head, read a fucking book or something. I'm immersed in a burgeoning world of amateurs. It's all "love sucks" this and "I hate my family" that. BOO-FUCKING-HOO, you proles. Feel free to join the club - but THIS ONE AIN'T IT. Let me cut this trend off right at the scrotum: Dump the bitch/prick, move out, take responsibility, stop being stepped on, and get the FUCK on with your life!!!! And *then*, once you've taken the steps to set your life upon the path of destined greatness, and the world comes in and shits in your Cheerios *anyway*, in *any fucking way it can*, THEN you've got a GFD worth posting. You pathetic fucks. Three posts in a row about NOTHING? By the same attention-deprived pigfucking loser? THIS we need? Bullshit. Where are the Sea Monkeys and Lincons of yesteryear? Whither the Scientologists and Carrot Tops? MY FUCKING GOD! WHY HAST THOU ABANDONED US? I don't know. I honestly don't. It's really so simple. Consider, for a moment, the guidelines of, say, what makes a good movie: 1) Kung-Fu. 2) Explosions. 3) If you can't pace it well, pace it FAST. Any movie that follows these simple precepts automatically garners itself a B in my book. Low expectations are easily met with aplomb. Now, I don't want to point fingers. You know who you are. And I sense that you want acceptance, or maybe, even, a little love and respect. That's fine. You've come to the right place. We're here for you! We've all been there. Now, why don't you sit down, have some nice cocoa... that's right, let it all out. There, there. Here's your binky. Aww. You just tell us all about the big mean world. But GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT FIRST, MOTHERFUCKERS. I don't expect you all to deliver razor-sharp, finely keened karate chops of lyrical wrath to the base of the skull on the first time out, but cripes. Don't blow your wad all at once to make up for shitty style and wispy-thin substance. You've got to learn to walk before you can kick life in the ass with your steel-tipped boot and dance on its grave. GMFTatsujin

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