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health Who Farted?
by anal0gue
gfd messages
(jholmes@crucifuckwadd.com) on Nov 25, 2002 02:51:19 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

The question may seem inocent enough. But the ramifications go far deeper than you've ever realised.
 
By now you've probably accepted the occasional whif of ass as an anoying, but trivial fact of life. After all, everyone is guilty of this little social tresspass that we are all biologically bound to.

Lets take a closer look at what's really going on here though. The fart is methane gas mixed with air and millions of particals of feces clinging to it. If you smell one, that means that countless particals of feces have entered your nose and respiratory system and all the little molecules that make up the feces connect with your olfactory senses sending signals to your brain which in turn lets you know what it is you've just smelled. In other words, you have just physically injested someone else's shit. In the subtlest of ways you've basically just tossed that person's salad.

It gets worse. You've just physically sampled some else's rectum, but the real shame is just beginning. Once your brain receives the signals of the fart your brain then runs countless calculations and associations on the fart. "How stinky is this fart? Have you smelled worse? What food do you suppose it was that made up that fart? How much does this fart smell like my dog's farts? What people and places does this fart remind me of?" Your mind has just formed an intimate relationship with someone's asshole, and you may not even know who's asshole it is. That's like getting pregnant from a gangbang..You aren't really consciously thinking of any of that but subconsciously your mind is creating and accessing millions of pathways.

This one brief little incident has just slightly altered your mental landscape, just as every stimulus you receive does. In it's own small way that fart has changed you forever. That fart and every fart you've ever smelled is a part of you and, in part, makes up who you are.

After all, you are what you eat.

[ Comment on this story ]


    Go to hell
    by irni(gfd@ctrl-alt-fuckoff.com)
    gfd messagesAIMYahooMSN
    on Nov 25, 2002 03:18:00 PM
    (#2432)
    i really didn't want a fucking technical definition of a fart. god damn it.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Your mind has just formed an intimate relationship with someone's asshole
    by GFDman(mike at godfuckingdamnit point com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Nov 25, 2002 05:13:09 PM
    (#2437)
    best line ever.

    oh, and I think you spelled "particals" wrong. it's more like "farticles".

    [Reply to this comment]
    answer me this than..
    by bean
    gfd messages
    on Nov 26, 2002 10:53:42 PM
    (#2451)
    why the hell do people fart more often in the morning?
    [Reply to this comment]
    Uh
    by Miguelito(mm@miguelito.org)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Dec 8, 2002 10:15:51 PM
    (#2629)
    I know this is GFD and all, and I hate to get technical on your ass .. but there aren't "little particles of feces" on farts, and that's not why they smell. It's all just gas, and it's some of the specific gases in there that smells.
    [Reply to this comment]
      I dont have scientific evidence, but I say bullshit
      by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Dec 8, 2002 10:40:03 PM
      (#2630)
      I don't doubt that those gasses are present, and make foul-smelling odors. But there's no denying that 9 times out of 10 you can tell what the person was eating by the smell of their wind. That ain't all due to nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane and hydrogen sulphide.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        He's right.
        by Gribble
        gfd messages
        on Dec 8, 2002 10:44:37 PM
        (#2631)
        They smell like broccoli. Or salmon. Or whatever.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Because!
          by Skewfield(bean makes me fart)
          gfd messagesAIM
          on Jan 24, 2003 11:42:14 AM
          (#4235)
          there are specific chemicals that cause smells, and they are aromatic, meaning that they easily "dissolve" into the atmosphere, which is why you smell your food in the first place. they are rather complex molecules and your gut can't break em down. But most of the shit smell comes from sulfides, which are responsible for most of the stink in the world.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      so you mean to say
      by anal0gue(jholmes@crucifuckwadd.com)
      gfd messages
      on Dec 9, 2002 01:21:49 PM
      (#2657)
      with what we understand about the difusion of molecules, not one bit of negatively charged turd clings to a positively charged air molecule? highly doubious.. :)
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        last time i checked
        by Skewfield(bean makes me fart)
        gfd messagesAIM
        on Jan 24, 2003 11:43:20 AM
        (#4237)
        there was no turd ion. sorry.

        besides, farts with turd (i.e. "wet") tend to stay in your underwear.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          In other news half gold star
          by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
          gfd messagesAIM
          on Jan 24, 2003 01:38:40 PM
          (#4254)
          Scientists have broken the 118-element barrier by synthesizing and confirming the existance of turdonium.

          "The really strange thing about [it] is its half-life," one scientist was heard to remark. "It exists just long enough to get into your nose. It does not appear to matter what the distance is, however. Some emissions of turdonium hang around for days, just waiting for someone to smell them. At that point, the decay interaction appears to be governed by the proximity of olfactory nerves. This indicates that there is some kind of information transfer going on that we can't detect a carrier particle for, the so-called 'spooky stink at a distance.'"

          The difficulty in isolating turdonium has kept researchers busy for years. "The series of interactions that create turdonium are not difficult to reproduce," noted one scientist, "everybody farts sooner or later. The real problem has been that the reactions do not constantly create turdonium, even under indentical conditions. So far the silent-but-deadly phenomenon is not well understood, but this breakthrough may shed light on the question of dark matter."

          Dark matter may comprise up to 90% of the matter in the universe. It is difficult to detect since it only interacts through gravitational forces, not electro-magnetic forces such as those that produce visible light.

          According to one researcher, "Turdonium may replace neutrinoes as the expelled dark matter particle of choice in high-energy explosive reactions."

          Most of the budget for the project has been spent at fast food restaurants. A similar project has drawn supplementary funding from the High-Energy Asparagus Collider Center in Virginia.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            ok, i can't bring myself to read past the first paragraph
            by Skewfield(bean makes me fart)
            gfd messagesAIM
            on Jan 24, 2003 02:54:35 PM
            (#4274)
            because i'm sitting in a fucking studyhall.


            hm, less giggling when it's written in italics.


            speaking of asparagus, have you ever experienced asparagus pee? it is an interesting phenomenon, to be sure.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    "not-enough-sleep" gas
    by mahfro(mahbigfatfro@thissucks.com)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 9, 2002 12:13:53 AM
    (#2638)
    does anybody else get a lot of gas when they don't get much sleep? boy, that made plenty of college finals a living hell. . .
    [Reply to this comment]
    Oh Holy Lord Jesus
    by BambiBitch(Fuckya'll@screwyouassholes.fuck)
    gfd messages
    on Jan 24, 2003 02:11:45 PM
    (#4263)
    I laughed my ass off...well guys I agree with some of you...you can sometimes tell what the person has eaten..you know..beans..boiled egg...those kind of stomach-aching fart-making food.. :)

    Lord..this is a really freaky subject..

    Lmao
    [Reply to this comment]
    This Topic Rocks!!! dunceduncedunce
    by popproxgopherbutt
    gfd messages
    on Jan 16, 2006 07:10:50 PM
    (#20358)
    I am so glad this topic was posted. My friends and I have been arguing about this subject for months now. I believe that you do in fact breath in shit particles when you smell a fart. Here is my reserch to back up my claim:

    Molecule: The smallest particle of a substance that has all of the physical and chemical properties of that substance. Molecules are made up of one or more atoms. If they contain more than one atom, the atoms can be the same (an oxygen molecule has two oxygen atoms) or different (a water molecule has two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom). Biological molecules, such as proteins and DNA, can be made up of many thousands of atoms.

    "Sniff, Sniff, Take a Whiff
    The nose allows you to make scents of what's going on in the world around you. Just as your eyes give you information by seeing and your ears help you out by hearing, the nose lets you figure out what's happening by smelling. It does this with help from many parts hidden deep inside your nasal cavity and head.

    Up on the roof of the nasal cavity (the space behind your nose) is the olfactory epithelium (say: al-fak-tuh-ree eh-puh-thee-lee-um). Olfactory is a fancy word that has to do with smelling. The olfactory epithelium contains special receptors that are sensitive to odor molecules that travel through the air.

    These receptors are very small - there are at least 10 million of them in your nose! There are hundreds of different odor receptors, each with the ability to sense certain odor molecules. Research has shown that an odor can stimulate several different kinds of receptors. The brain interprets the combination of receptors to recognize any one of about 10, 000 different smells.

    When the smell receptors are stimulated, signals travel along the olfactory nerve to the olfactory bulb. The olfactory bulb is underneath the front of your brain just above the nasal cavity. Signals are sent from the olfactory bulb to other parts of the brain to be interpreted as a smell you may recognize, like apple pie fresh from the oven. Yum! "
    [Reply to this comment]

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