Be A Fucking PARENT

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Be A Fucking PARENT

by HappyCouchTyrant

(suckafuck@your.moms)

on Jun 5, 2012 08:32:04 PM

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"What?! And be expected to actually raise my fucking hellion bastards? Are you SERIOUS?! THIS CAN'T BE MY JOB! IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S, I'M SURE OF IT!"

It seems to be a growing epidemic. Parents are pushing their responsibilities on everyone else around them. Today, I got the pleasure of hearing a bunch of over-protective type A parents who despite their controling parenting methods, have absolutely no desire to actually teach their child anything. Their discussion? What schools should do about the childhood obesesity epedemic.

It took a great strength to swallow the poisonous bile that was growing in the back of my throat, but I was successful. It's like they can't believe they could possibly be responsible for their darling child's condition. They complain that there aren't enough required physical activities in school, but they have no desire to take their child out themselves for a family bike ride or walk. They don't have time to play a game of ball with their fucking kid. No, they are far too busy to be bothered with their own spawn. That's everyone else's job. Certainly the schools are supposed to tbe the ones who teach their kids. It's not their fucking job.

They complain about how kids are getting larger because of how unhealthy the foods are, and they congratulate themselves on purchasing only the best gluten-free, sodium-free, fat-free, high-protein, organic, and all-natural foods. Nevermind the fact that they never share anything but stale, pre-packaged conversation and bland but uber-healthy frozen lasagna.

You know what I think the problem with childhood obesesity is? I think it's a combination of several factors, most of which could easily be avoided if the parents actually did their fucking job once in a while.

1) It's the fact that so few people have any desire to exercise. But when it comes to childhood obesesity, can't the parents... I don't know... encourage the fucking kids to go out and walk or something?

2) It's the typical American meal. Granted, I firmly believe that people could eat anything they wanted if they were willing to compensate for it. However, no matter what I believe, diet should be easily controlled by a parent. It's called being a parent.

3) We place such a huge social emphesis on food, and yet during mealtimes many families just ignore each other.

In the end, maybe parents should not only get in to teaching their fucking kids, but teaching by example.

[ Comment on this story ]

This reminds me

(come@me.bro)

on Jun 5, 2012 08:40:28 PM

of a conversation I overheard between three coworkers one morning at a Sunoco I worked at. All three, it should be noted, were more overweight than me, and were complaining about how their diets weren't working. All three ALSO lived within 1.5 blocks of said job and DROVE to work every morning. All three THEN began to complain about the price of gas.

I know, I know. My head hurts just remembering it.

As one might well expect of the Chisa, I pointed out to them that, hey, if you fucking WALKED to work maybe you'd SAVE GAS and GET SOME EXERCISE TOO. And all three recoiled in abject horror at the suggestion. WHAT! USE MY LEGS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS OUT THERE? Well, yes, I do, seeing as I walk to work every fucking night at 10 PM. Danger level: Not At All.

Of course they all drove to work again the next day. Christ people are full of shit.

[Reply to this comment]

Just one of the many reasons

by grandtheftcondom

(grandtheftcondom@gmail.com)

on Jun 6, 2012 06:06:08 AM

I have no desire to own a car. Aside from the THOUSANDS I save every year from not needing car insurance, registration fees, maintainence, and gasoline.

Sometimes I can't help but think maybe the automobile was just a bad idea or something. Look at the state of the world today. It seems nobody likes to walk to their destination. Sort of reminds me of that movie, Over the Hedge, when the raccoon is explaining to the rest of the animals that humans drive around in SUVs because they are slowly losing their ability to walk. Yeah, our species is pretty pathetic, when you think about it.

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

Walking is TEH Shit!

(Sidekick in my own life)

on Jun 8, 2012 03:08:20 PM

I walk two miles every weekday noon to get my kids from school and I fucking love it. Then we take a cab back home and we never see a tenth of what I see on my way there.
And the best part? This time next year I'll be doing the exact same thing among lakes and mountains instead of exhaust fumes, dog turds and graffiti.
Yay!
Moving is teh shit too.

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

I just realized...

(Sidekick in my own life)

on Jun 8, 2012 03:56:47 PM

...with my comment, I'm making myself look like one of the shitty parents who triggered this rant, so just in case: my kids are 9 and 7, carrying half-ton wheelbags and starving because it's 1pm, so walking them the whole 2 miles back home wouldn't be a realistic option, not to mention they're both in great shape because they swim and play tennis and practice sports in school and now I'm really gonna shut the fuck up because I'm starting to sound like the other kind of shitty parent.
Sorry, sorry about that.
Not gonna happen again, promise.

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

you sound like a good parent!

(duz ur face hurt its killin me)

on Jun 15, 2012 12:44:11 PM

you might consider packing a lunch, taking a cab to the school, having a picnic with the kids and then walking with them home.... but can you carry the wheelbags? i don't know if i could... just to show them how neat going on walks is.

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

ps

(duz ur face hurt its killin me)

on Jun 15, 2012 12:46:09 PM

i've never previously heard of wheelbags

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

Uh, probably my fault

(Sidekick in my own life)

on Jun 17, 2012 10:49:09 PM

Like backpacks, only with little wheels underneath?
And an extendible handle on top?
Or collapsible handle, depending on your first encounter with the handle?

Do those things have a name, or are all non-outdoorsy backpacks just assumed to have wheels now?

I tried to google it, but they don't even have a name in my language.
We just call them "Backpacks-With-Wheels" (we like to be unimaginative with a touch of Sioux).

In any case, the weird-ass burlap cylinder that comes up first when you type "wheelbag" into Google Image? Yeah, that shit looks nothing like my kids' backwheelhandlepackbags.

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

Apparently, those are called "rolling backpacks"

(come@me.bro)

on Jun 18, 2012 10:00:40 AM

which is also somewhat confusing, as I envision a circular backpack that one rolls along the ground like a spare tire.

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

Maybe they are

(Sidekick in my own life)

on Jun 19, 2012 09:55:26 PM

Think of it.
We could end the flat tire problem once and for all while packing all our clothing in the tires and saving precious trunk space for booze, rope, and dead hookers.

See, that's the problem with truly great ideas; people just pussy out on 'em.

[Reply to this comment] [Parent]

Yuppie parents are worthless

on Aug 25, 2012 02:39:03 PM

The pay a personal trainer $50 an hour (more than some of the parents themselves make) to teach their obese brats how to work out; meanwhile they're paying some guy named Julio $12.00/hr to do their yardwork.

Here's an idea - make the fat kid go outside and push the goddamn lawn mower.

How to motivate the little pig? No dinner until the yard is spotless.

[Reply to this comment]

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