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religion Fuck you Gear Snob.
by murdersgalore
gfd messagesMSN
(wacking@yourfuneral.cum) on Dec 14, 2011 03:21:05 AM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

Just because something costs more doesn't mean it's better. These days, it doesn't even ensure it's good at all.
 
For those of you on the outside of the music/recording/producing scene, forgive me for writing a story that you may not be able (or care) to follow.

A Gear Snob is a term in the scene for a person who insists on buying expensive musical instruments, equipment, and all things related to music production for the soul reason that it holds some kind of special intangible quality that cannot be obtained through cheaper bang-for-the-buck alternatives or simply for the prestige of a brand or bragging rights. Kinda like the douchebags that will only wear real leather or pay hundreds of dollars for sunglasses or shoes because they are endorsed by some roid-head with a basketball.

I have saved up and obtained a large (but humble) bit of gear for my home studio over the years. I have learned so much. I have been messing with audio production for over 15 years and have been a musician for over 20. To make a long story short, I know my shit. I have probably sold more of this stuff than I actually own now (I used to be a collector until I realized I was retarded).

A guy heard some of my home spun stuff on a music hosting website and contacted me through that site. He was generally like "Dude...your band sounds awesome!!" I humbly replied with a thank you and explained to him that I am not in a band and that I have my own personal studio (believe me, it's not as prestigious as it sounds) and all of the instruments and vocals are performed by myself for my own amusement.

Ass kissing ensues and this goes back and forth. I surely dig it when someone compliments my music so of course my ego compelled me to engage him. I then listened to his band which wasn't too bad. Your average home recorded demo stuff. It had potential, but the production quality is what you'd expect from an amateur. It could be said that I am an amateur by some being that I rarely get paid for my work, though I will say that I have been impressed with the levels of quality I have achieved aver the last 7 or 8 years. I'm not knocking these guys for having a sub-standard sound (we've all been there).

He is asking me all these questions about how I get my home recordings to sound so good and such and he's like "Dude, you gotta meat Brian. He's kind of like our band leader. He recorded our demo in his basement. He'd flip over this shit."

I end up on the phone with these guys talking about recording techniques and this Brian guy is like "You are actually only a few hours from us. Would you care to produce a demo of about 4 songs for us? We'll pay." Of course I'm not gonna turn down money for something I enjoy. I generally don't charge people a lot of money anyway. We made arrangements.

(For those of you that are in the know and are wondering, before I continue, why I didn't ask their drummer to come and do drum tracks first which is generally the order in which you would record a metal band, I discussed the options with the guys and convinced them that micing up and recording an acoustic drumkit would take a lot more time and cost more money just to get possibly unsatisfactory results (Most drummers have crappy kits, most drummers don't know how to tune their drums, most drummers don't practice at home and only play at band practice where everything is too loud to hear that they are fucking up, only play when they're stoned, etc. etc. This is another rant in and of itself actually so fuck drummers) and I have drum plugins that sound very natural and a lot of modern drummers use triggers and shit anyways.)

So Brian arrives as scheduled with his gear. He has a Fender Tele. Nice guitar I suppose. My grandad would love it. He has a rack full of all kinds of this and that (power conditioners and preamps and effects too numerous to list) none of which I actually heard used in any of their music (They are a "death metal" band so we're not talking a diverse pallet of sonic textures here) all fed into a Mesa Lonestar amp.

"Quite a lot of baggage you got there, Brian. You plan on using all of that stuff?"

"I only use the best, tehe"

I help carry this crap to my studio. And the gear snobbery begins....

Brian: "Dude, I thought you'd have some kind of monster Macintosh with Pro Tools or something."

Me: "Nah. Pc's are cheaper to build and Pro Tools, Cubase, Sonar, they all do the same thing. It's all zeros and ones at the end."

Brian: "This......is what you recorded your stuff with?"

Me: "Yep. It's all you need"

Brian: "I just figured you'd have, like, a big rack of stuff and a big 32 channel mixing console or something with that beastly sound you've got. You ain't bullshitting are you?"

Me: "Na man. All done right here."

Brian: "How many channels is your interface?"

Me: "4"

Brian: "Man." (looking bewildered) "How do you get by with only 4 channels. I have a Pro Tools setup in my basement and I have a 16 channel firewire interface with a 24 channel console. I thought you'd have better gear."

Me: "I don't need all that shit for what I do. I've wasted too much money on that kinda thing in the past. Besides, when was the last time anyone needed a 16 channel interface. After drum tracks, you only record one track at a time right?"

Brian. "I guess so."

He lets that go and I think he is satisfied with the stripped down nature of my studio. this only lasts for a minute.

Brian: "Dude, are those KRK monitors?"

Me: "Yeah. Good eye there, lol" (They have KRK emblems on the front of them............and if that wasn't enough......when the things are turned on........they glow!)

Brian: "What are those? The VXT series?"

Me: "Nah. They're just the Rokit 5's. I don't understand the purpose of the VXT series. They have the same type of drivers in them just different dimensions and more powerful amps. Don't really need all that power in a nearfield monitor. We aren't trying to fill a room with sound are we? lol"

Brian: "I just figured the VXT's would have to be better though. I guess you get what you pay for."

Me: "I did get what I paid for, buddy. Monitors that work. I mean, you heard the results I get with them. Why pay more?"

Brian: "I guess you're right."

So we spend a few more minutes going through his monstrous rack of unnecessary (and in many ways inappropriate, which I'll get into later) gear.

He has a Fender Tele. The Tele is famous for it's twangy sound and is commonly associated with blues and country music. (Zing...) It has two single coil pickups and a three way switch. His is in good condition and original so, yeah, bad choice for Metal.

He has 3 lexicon reverb units, two of which are the same.

Me: "Is this also your live rack?"

Brian: "Pretty sweet huh?"

Me: "I suppose. Don't know how you would incorporate it but It's good to have I reckon."

Brian: "I'm gonna go piss. You can set that up however you need it. You're the big time producer guy. lol. I'll be right back."

And set it up I did. I stripped a few essentials out of the rack and put the rest over in the corner. He comes back from his piss.

Brian: "Dude, what did you do?"

Me: "I took these out and set up what we needed to work on your guitar sound."

Brian: "How am I supposed to get my sound when you took half my gear away!?"

Me: "I've listened to your music and determined that none of this stuff is necessary. We need to keep the signal path as clean as possible."

Brian: "But I use all of that stuff!!"

Me: "How so? I'm confused. I didn't hear any of that stuff on your recording."

Brian: "I mean, I use the delay/echo thing."

Me: "I'll add that in post. You don't wanna record an effect like that going in. Better to put it in post so if you don't like it you can change it."

Brian: "But what about my other stuff?"

Me: "Do you use it?"

Brian: "It's part of my setup!"

Me: "But...do you USE it?"

Brian: "........no."

Me: "As I thought. I'm just taking it out of the way to make things neater and to get rid of potential noise making stuff in the chain."

Brian: "But that stuff adds something to my sound."

Me: "3 reverb units add something to your sound?"

Brian: "Yeah!"

Me: "So you do use them?"

Brian: "Well I have them on while I play."

Me: "So you have them on but you don't actually have the reverb effects from any of them on?"

Brian: "Well no. but they are Lexicon units. They weren't cheap."

Me: "I am aware of that. I have had one in the past. But you aren't actually using a reverb patch....you just run your shit through the three of them?"

Brian: "Well yeah. They are Lexicons. They cost more because they add character to my tone even if they are bypassed."

Me: "Now Brian, I understand you might be attached to a certain setup but these things are transparent. They add nothing to the tone unless they are working. That's why they are expensive. They do nothing to your signal in bypass mode."

Brian: "They do to. I swear they do. I don't know how to describe it. They just make it sound better."

I then conducted a blind test by taking each unit, connecting each one in bypass mode (meaning they ain't doing shit but passing through a signal) and asking him if he could tell weather I had them on or off. He was right 50% of the time. Yeah, a placebo effect of the ears is possible.

So that bump out of the way...we move on to his guitar choice.

Me: "Did you use that Tele for your demo?"

Brian: "Yeah. It's my favorite guitar."

Me: "I can respect that. Whatever works for you. But you are looking for a pretty aggressive tone, right?"

Brian: "Yeah, a fat tone like yours."

Me: "You wanna just use my guitar?"

Brian: "The same one you record with?"

Me: "Yeah. I don't mind. I keep fresh strings on it and I tune down to B flat like you do. We'll just see if it fits."

Brian: "But what's wrong with my guitar?"

Me: "Oh nothing. I'm just saying that those single coils might work for you live but humbuckers will work better for a tight metal sound. We'll just try some options."

So I got into my closet and pull my main recording guitar from the rack. It's a modest Ibanez S series with a few mods. (For the guitar geeks who care, I installed a Crunch Lab pickup at the bridge and a Liquid Fire at the neck. Damn good tone and pretty versatile too. And....well...cheap.)

Brian: "You use that!!!"

Me: "Yeah. What's wrong with it?"

Brian: "It's an Ibanez. I don't care for them."

Me: "What, you don't like the feel of them?"

Brian: "They're just cheap. They are made in Japan."

Me: "Shit, what's wrong with Jap stuff? They make good cars don't they? Your amp has Japanese capacitors in it."

Brian: "The fuck it does!!! Mesa's are made in America just like my Tele. We build better stuff. That's why it costs more!"

Me: "First of all...your amp DOES have Japanese capacitors in it because even American manufacturers know that Japanese capacitors are among the best on the market...and to beat that they aren't even cheap! And secondly....That Tele AND that amp are the wrong choices for Death Metal anyway."

Brian: "John 5 uses nothing but Tele's an he gets a fat tone."

Me: "John 5 has his shit modded."

Brian: "I don't care. I'm not using that cheap guitar."

Me: "Fine. Have it your way. Don't blame me for the results."

So I am at this point fighting the urge to slap this kid while I mic up his cab and what do you think happens next?

Brian: "This doesn't sound very good."

Me: "I know. We need to try something different. You really should try the Ibanez."

Brian: "Nah...I just think you need to mess with the mic placement or something."

I continue fucking with the mic. Then another mic. Then two mics on the cab. Then all kinds of knob tweaking...ect.

Brian: "How come it doesn't sound like your stuff? What was your chain exactly?"

Me: "Do you really want to know?"

Brian: "Yeah. Other than the cheap Jap guitar. What amp did you use?"

Me: "I didn't use an amp?"

(Brian looks confused)

Me: "I plug my guitar straight into a TS808 overdrive pedal......"

Brian: (interrupting) "Tube screamers rock. Is it vintage?"

Me: (thinking about how a few minutes ago Ibanez sucks....they make the Tube Screamer pedals) "Oh no. I can't afford those. I just got the reissue."

Brian: "The reissues don't sound as good do they?"

Me: "Sound the same to me."

Brian: "But I read a few bad reviews of them claiming they are made from cheaper Japanese parts."

Me: "Ok, dude...You're starting to piss me off. The TS808 made today is exactly the same as the ones made in the 70's and 80's. It is an exact circuit replica. There is no difference other than the hype and the price. AND BOTH pedals are made out of Japanese parts in Japan because Ibanez is a fucking Japanese company. Did your Grandad die at Pearl Harbor or some shit? What's with the Jap hate?"

Brian: "I'm just saying there has to be a reason why the old ones cost more is all. I'm not trying to piss you off."

Me: "And I am saying as the guy you originally trusted to record your band because you were impressed by the results that there is no difference."

Brian: "Ok man, let's just drop it. I'm sorry."

Me: "Well, being that you dig the TS808 so much I think it's only fair of you to try the Ibanez."

I win by quilt trip and he tries my Ibanez....and fucking loves it.

Brian: "Wow...Did you do mods?"

Me: "Just put some sharper pickups in it."

Brian: "What are these? EMG 81/85's or something?"

Me: "It's the Dimarzio Crunch Lab and Liquid Fire."

Brian: "Really, no EMG's?"

Me: "I like the sound of Mahogany bodies and active pickups mask it too much."

Brian: "Yeah...but EMG's are better most of the time."

Me: "How do you figure? I mean...it's all subjective anyway."

Brian: "A lot of people think they are better."

Me: "Why, because they cost more? lol" (now I'm being an asshole)

Brian: "I'm just saying you get what you pay for."

(rolling eyes...moving on)

More fiddling with controls and mic positions.

Me: "ahh...It just aint quite there is it?"

Brian: "It's close though man. Maybe we should try hooking my Lexicon back up."

Me: "I thought we'd established that it does nothing to your tone?"

Brian: "I dunno. I just cant believe that I paid that much for it and I'm not gonna get to use it on my bands first real demo."

Me: "Just tell people you did...lol...they wont know any better."

Brian: "You never told me what you used. How did you not use an amp?"

Me: "I use the TS808 straight from the guitar into my interface and use amp sims."

Brian: "What's an amp sim?"

Me: "It's software that emulates the inner workings of various tube amps."

Brian: "I've heard of stuff like that. Show me what you mean."

So I unplug his stuff and hook him into the interface via the TS808 and open my patch on the computer. The Amp sim I am using is a digital replica of an ENGL Powerball which is a very good amp and well suited for heavy music. The emulation is very good and few discerning ears can tell the difference between the emulation and the real thing.

Brian looks horrified.

Brian: "That's not even a real amp. That's like fucking cheating."

Me: "well...if it works why not?"

Brian: "But it's fake."

Me: "It doesn't sound fake does it?"

Brian: "I paid over 2000 dollars for my amp and you are trying to tell me this shit is better?"

Me: "I'm not saying that I am just saying that this will give us the sound you want easier. That Lonestar amp isn't exactly known for its crushing distortion Brian."

Brian: "Fuck this. I'm not using it."

Me: "Ok....you liked the sound of my shit and you want yours to sound that good and I'm telling you this is what I used."

Brian: "Nah this aint working. And come to think of it, now that I know you used stuff like this your shit didn't sound that great anyway."

Me: "You are just saying that because you are obsessed with price and all this belief that paying more for shit means it's better. I know what I'm capable of so you can kiss my ass, changing your opinion because you feel the need to be consistent in your fucked up beliefs."

Brian: "It aint about beliefs....its about facts. My gear is good because I only buy the best. I pay top dollar for my shit. It has to be better than, doesn't it?"

Me: "I would think that the fact that we have sat here for two fucking hours trying to get some kind of usable tone to come out of that stuff is a testament to the fact that you are wrong. You feel buyer's remorse because you wasted your money on all of this crap so you imagine that it's better. Bet you spend a lot of time tweaking knobs don't you?"

Brian: "Fuck you...your music sucks. I'm leaving."


What really sucks is I had already spent 16 hours of my life sequencing the drumtracks for their demo. Time I'll never get paid for. But, for what it's worth, he got booted from the band. The rest of the band apologized. They may come back to record again but it would be unfair to make them pay for him wasting my time.

I am here to tell you that, after a certain price range, the differences in gear are simply psychosomatic or too subtle to be substantial enough to justify the price. Save your money and my sanity if you ever want me to record your shit. And if you expect a Tele and Lonestar amp (or any combination of other stuff) to automatically sound good for what you wanna do just because you paid a lot for it, you are an asshole. Saying that is like saying you want your Rolls Royce to handle corners like a cheap Corvette just because it costs more.

[ Comment on this story ]


    You know what? Fuck you, you're a gear snob IN REVERSE. dunce
    by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 14, 2011 08:30:40 AM
    (#31288)
    Oh, look at me, I'm SOOOOOOO indie. Check out this secondhand Yamaha V50 workstation I scored from eBay. Authentic DX7 sound, bitches, with on-board drum machine, effects, and sequencing all in one package. Fuck all that newfangled nonsense! Who needs a MOX 8 when you can get all these retro sounds out of an old piece of shit?

    No, son, the fact of the matter is that you are poor and can't afford better shit so you settle for what you CAN afford, and then you bootstrap this "more expensive isn't better" philosophy onto that shit after the fact. If you had a bajillion dollars you would have fucking headphones made out of wood from trees that only grow two places in Japan with diaphragms that are secreted by specially genetically engineered bacteria. I wish I had a time machine so you could kiss my ass sooner.

    Don't get me wrong, I like me some cheap-ass boards. But don't hate on the expensive shit just because you can't have it.
    [Reply to this comment]
      For the first time ever, I disagree with you
      by grandtheftcondom(grandtheftcondom@gmail.com)
      gfd messages
      on Dec 14, 2011 08:18:22 PM
      (#31305)
      I don't think he was hating on the other's guys shit just because it was expensive. I think was he was trying to get across what that he does what he can with what he can afford. This gear snob was buying shit purely bececause it was expensive. From what I've gathered, this asshole didn't even have the right kind of equipment for the sound he was looking for. He only thought it would be great because it had a hefty fucking price tag. Murders didn't come off as a reverse gear snob, but a guy tired of douchebags thinking that their shit is better on the sole reason that it costs more.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        Confrontational Chisa is confrontational thumbs up
        by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
        gfd messages
        on Dec 15, 2011 05:18:12 AM
        (#31306)
        And don't you fucking disagree or he will confrontationate the shit outta that. ;P

        I'm sort of torn between Murder and Chisa here, because I hate me some overpriced snobbery and I know for a fact that most times (not always, and not in every area) mileage and knowledge will yield better results than fancy trinkets, but on the other hand I do recognize myself as one cheap bastard.

        I realize that being born poor probably left me with a certain mindset that I could only test by becoming a billionaire, which -over halfway into my earthly passage- we can safely assume will just not happen.

        I played in a band once. I sucked at it. We all sucked, but none of us sucked as much and as thoroughly as the band leader/frontman/songwriter. Sure 'nuff, the guy put every single nickel he made into buying whatever novelty pedal or shit Satriani was using at the time. We're talking about a guy who couldn't play a riff for shit and had a hard time telling major from minor chords here, so yeap, I see this Brian dude prettttty clearly.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          And since we're at it
          by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
          gfd messages
          on Dec 15, 2011 05:22:43 AM
          (#31307)
          Faux alpha males who appoint themselves as frontmen (and the hopeless dorks who follow suit): such ripe subject for a bile-oozing rant.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      So many assumptions and so totally wrong.
      by murdersgalore(wacking@yourfuneral.cum)
      gfd messagesMSN
      on Dec 19, 2011 01:21:55 PM
      (#31318)
      If a gear snob buys expensive things just because they are expensive then a reverse gear snob would buy cheap things just because they shun expensive gear and that is totally not the case with me. I buy reasonably priced items based on sheer performance to cost ratio. I do tons of research before buying anything because marketing is bullshit.
      Indie? HA! I strive to make my recordings as modern and professional sounding as possible and that is an insulting and, not to mention, blind assumption being that you've never heard any of my work.
      I buy all of my shit new and avoid ebay like VD. I like warranties and having a customer support center to bitch at when things go wrong. I could give a shit about your Yamaha v50 what-the-fuck-ever station and your phrase "Fuck all that newfangled nonsense" particularly made me chuckle when, in my own story, I am showing a marked preference for newer gear and technology (i.e. Ibanez S series are a new and modern take on the super-strat form and you will not find one on the vintage market because THE ARE A NEW DESIGN as opposed to the over 60 year old Tele design. Using VST based simulations as opposed to real tube circuitry not only to save costs but because there is less maintenance, more practicality, more up-time, and negligible difference in sound quality. Choosing not to use Pro-Tools because it is needlessly expensive and it's MIDI implementation is still, in my opinion, broken and a PC based DAW offers better performance, which is not my opinion but a factual result that is verifiable in side by side comparison....etc.)
      Your claim is that I avoid things simply because they are expensive and I am poor and you are dead wrong. If you would do the research, none of this stuff I mentioned is cheap. It may not be the most expensive shit on the market, but certainly not cheap. If being frugal is a bad thing....nah...fuck you...it isn't.
      And if I did have a bajillion dollars I would still do the exact same thing because I refuse to blindly pour money into companies that cash in on their names while not offering any real value behind the price tag. And don't call me son...I do believe I'm older than you.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        Actually, I didn't even read your post.
        by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
        gfd messages
        on Dec 20, 2011 03:14:17 AM
        (#31319)
        Nor did I do any research whatsoever into the reflexive point I made, nor did I actually believe said point, nor did I have any intention of defending it beyond the initial comment.

        I did, however, surmise that you and everyone else would put all manner of effort into either refuting the position I took under the assumption that I would viciously defend it, or else (in the case of Gaborg) go into apologist mode for any perceived vacuousness in my initial sortie, if not outright defending it. Why? Because you have an expectation for how I achieve my goals on this site. You've examined my motives, my methods, my strategies closely. You have a fairly good idea of what to expect when engaging me and not to tread lightly or unarmed.

        These are not unwarranted assumptions; nevertheless, they are indeed suppositions, not facts. This time, I proposed: why not outright troll him? Just flagrantly throw out a completely unwarranted and ignorant opinion. Nobody would expect that, because that's simply not how I do things.

        Of course, it worked like a charm, and I have enjoyed your dances. Now you have another array of tactics to mull over for next time.

        On a related note, do send me some of your music, eh?
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Chisas Christ
          by egogg(1337@clownpenis.fart)
          gfd messages
          on Dec 23, 2011 09:39:22 PM
          (#31329)
          You should start a new member: Trolliest troll. The outright ignorant attack isn't your MO. It is certainly entertaining, nonetheless.

          As for Gear snobbery, I played jazz and symphonic trombone. And I have two, not quite top-o-the-line horns--A nice King Silversonic 3B for jazz work, and a Bach Stradivarius 42K for the wind symphony. Both had brought me very close to being 1st chair in some prestigious college bands. And then I got a job and have ignored the crap out of them for years now. Oh well.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            "And then I got a job..."
            by The Gaborg(Sidekick in my own life)
            gfd messages
            on Dec 28, 2011 07:36:56 PM
            (#31330)
            99% of the greatest never-written Rock 'n Fucking Roll sagas start (end?) on that note. As soon as you become able to actually afford some of the stuff you've spent ages yearning for, you find yourself not giving a rat's ass about it anymore.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Well played sir
          by murdersgalore(wacking@yourfuneral.cum)
          gfd messagesMSN
          on Apr 4, 2012 03:16:44 AM
          (#32073)
          ...Well played indeed.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Fuckin gear snobs suck
    by godfuckindamnit(jpcconsultants@gmail.com)
    gfd messages
    on Jan 12, 2012 10:40:13 AM
    (#31359)
    That story was funny, man. Brian sounded like a ricockulous douche. Tha story alone could be made into an indie short movie, no shit.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Brian is still a douche....
      by murdersgalore(wacking@yourfuneral.cum)
      gfd messagesMSN
      on Apr 4, 2012 03:21:07 AM
      (#32074)
      .....apparently saved up money and went to a "real" studio. Rumor has it they kicked his ass more than I did and he walked out many hundreds of dollars poorer and empty handed.

      I think a modern, post alternative Spinal Tap like mockumentary is long over-due. The question is, how to do it without being accused of being a rip-off?
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
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